how to deal with a jealous sister


You know all of those movies where the bride and her sister are best friends and they do all the planning together and whenever the bride tries on her dress or veil, they cry? Ok, that’s not who we’re dealing with today…Let’s talk about the jealous sister...now, the jealous sister comes in all forms.  She’s the one who got married before you did, had kids before you did, bought a house before you did but somehow she’s jealous of your wedding, fiancĂ©, dress…you name it!  She’s also the sister who isn’t married, has never had a boyfriend, or who recently went through a break up…Translation: she’s alone.  Dealing with sisters is super tricky.  Believe me, I have three.  Dealing with a sister during your wedding, and a jealous one?! Oh man!  
First, you need to be realistic about your relationship.  I get it. Now it’s your time. Your special day.  She should be there for you the way you were there for her, right?  Not if she’s the jealous sister.  I understand that it hurts and that you wish she would do things for you because she cares and blah blah blah.  By now, you know her.  Jealousy doesn’t normally just come overnight.  Take her how she is and don’t try to make your relationship something it isn’t because that will only add further injury and conflict.

Second, be compassionate.  If this is the sister who is alone, she may really be having a hard time seeing you happy while her heart is either broken or she’s longing for what you have. Jealousy is a very interesting emotion.  I once broke up with a boyfriend the day before I was hosting a good friend’s bridal shower.  I called one of the bridesmaids crying and saying I couldn’t throw the shower.  Girl, real life tears streaming down my face.  I should have won an Oscar for that. I pulled it together about an hour later and threw the shower with a smile on my face.  It was rough but I made sure to hide it. 

Next, make a decision.  How much do you want her around during the planning?  If you want her around a lot, be ready to deal with the jealousy which comes in all forms.  If you don’t want to deal with it, try not to talk about the wedding and all the details every time you see her.  I’m sure there are plenty of other people who would love to hear about the font on the invitation and how it matches the font on the program.  She’s just not one of them and that’s ok. 

Now, accept it!  It isn’t fun or “fair” but it is what it is.  Your sister may be jealous for numerous reasons.  Be happy that you are in a different place in your life and that you have the support of your fiancĂ©.  Don’t let her ruin your day.

3 comments:

  1. Dear Summer! You are a genius! I think if more people could consider these things prior to the event, during and after the big event, everyone would be happier! Words of wisdom that will lead to greater family unity! Love this!

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  2. Hi! I have an interesting situation with my brother's wife being jealous. Recent situations and drama caused by my sister in law is beginning to destroy my family's peace. I am to be married in less than 50 days and her behavior and jealousy has only escalated. My dad now refuses to answer her calls, texts, etc because she has crossed the line with him. She has brought my mom to tears by rehashing tons of past events and holding things against her that she had no idea about. My SIL seems to be beyond reasoning with and she believes my parents OWE her a wedding and that they should pay for all of my brother's bills and that they should take care of her baby. My brother has gotten to the point where he will not engage with her because it is like talking to a wall. Much of the drama is going on around me and not so much directed AT me. But I feel none of this would be happening if I wasn't getting married next month. I was wondering if you had any tips on how I can "block" this behavior from bothering me. It has gotten to the point that I am getting physically ill and I just cannot handle it emotionally. What si the best way to handle this? If you need more detail I have a blog http (backslash backslash colon)myinsanewedding.blogspot (dot com). I created it as a tool to help me vent frustrations but now it seems that even writing about the issues only help a little. I'm tired of being nauseated and having bathroom issues from stress. Any advice you have would be greatly appreciated. Thanks!

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