how to get your fiance more involved in the planning process


There is nothing more confusing to me than a groom who wants to be a part of every single step of the planning process.  I’ve been doing this for years and I’ve only seen it twice.  My first experience was with a couple who were professional cheerleaders.  They were so excited about getting married that not only did she enjoy the planning but he did too…all the way down to adding to the itinerary, that he put together, when I was going to eat lunch.  The second was a groom who wanted to be copied on every email between vendors, attended all décor meetings and all fittings…yes. All the fittings. Needless to say, that couple fought constantly and it made their planning process an absolute nightmare.

I get it, ladies.  You want to know that he cares and is just as excited about getting married as you are.  Picking out the flowers and napkins doesn’t really prove that he’s excited about the wedding or marrying you.  It just means that he’s doing it to make you happy or to avoid a fight.  Don’t get me wrong, he needs to be more involved than, “Tell me when and where and I’ll be there.”  I think the real question is: how involved should he really be?  How involved do you need him to be in order to make you feel that he cares about the wedding and/or marrying you?   
  
Alright, here we go…first, look at your “to-do” list.  I want you to add every single little thing that you can think of…transportation, cake tasting, finding a planner, getting your guest list together…everything.  Believe it or not, your list continues to grow throughout the planning process.   


After you’ve added everything that you can think of, pick out three items that you would like your fiancé to handle.  If you have a specific transportation company that you would like for him to check out, give him the information along with his list of three.  Also, he can’t count the cake tasting or the tasting with the caterer to his completed list…everyone wants to be involved with tasting delicious cake for a few hours.  Now, you have to be detached when you hand over these tasks to him.  What we’re trying to do is prevent silly fights that he may start because he hasn't finished his list.  
Now, you need to consult with each other about how important it is for him to complete these tasks and give him a deadline.  This is the point of getting him involved.  He’ll appreciate the fact that you only gave him a few tasks and trust that he can handle them without your micro-management.  You have your own list to think about.  Once he has completed his list, pick out three more tasks to add to his list.  Wait about a week before you present the next three tasks.  Remember, you can’t micro-manage him!

It isn’t odd that your fiancé isn’t dying to match the ivory in your dress exactly with the ivory on your invitations.  Most men aren’t into those things and it is ok but your fiancé will appreciate this structure and he’ll do it with a smile because ultimately, he wants to make you happy.  

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