reader questions: do i have to invite my male bridesmaid to all of the bridal events? even the ones for girls only?

Yelena from Santa Barbara, CA writes:

Dear Wedding Therapist,

         I'm getting married and I've asked one of my close gay male friends to be a part of my bridal party.  He's a bridesmaid and I don't want to offend him, but do I have to invite him to the girl's only events? I also have a bunch of gay friends who I want to invite to the all female bridal shower but I don't want it to be awkward. Please help! 


My first response is: yes.  Yes, you have to invite him to all of the fesitivities surrounding your wedding.  He is a bridesman, afterall.  You've asked him to play a role that is traditionally for women only so you should make the exception when it comes to girls only events.

My second response is: GIRL, what are you thinking?!  This is your friend who must be close enough in order for you to have asked him to actually be in your wedding.  Is there someone in your family or a guest who would be uncomfortable with him joining in because he's gay?  Is it because of religious beliefs?  I'm assuming that you don't have an issue with it since he is in the wedding.

One of the hardest jobs that a bride has is trying to please everyone.  If you want to have your gay male friends at your bridal shower, have them at your bridal shower!  If someone has a problem with them attending the all female events, that is their problem.  Those are not your issues.  You can't please everyone and I certainly wouldn't be worried about pleasing people who are uncomfortable around gay men.  Remember, you're only the bride for one day and you don't want to damage your friendship due to awkwardness long after the wedding is over.